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The attached letter was written from a dying sister.

Yet, the resurrection life of the Lord was manifested through her. It was quite encouraging.

“For the remaining of my days, all I want is to live a life that is worthy of my calling. I may not be able to serve in a big capacity due to physical limitations, but may the Lord grant me the grace to be faithful in doing the best I can for the things that He has entrusted to me. In the end, it doesn’t matter whether we have one talent or five. For as long as we are faithful, we shall equally enter into the joy of our Lord. I also pray that the Lord will make me simple and pure that I may not be ambitious to desire for a bigger portion of the service…to be more “useful”, or so to speak. May He keep me walking in the line of Life, to be a person who is wholly after His interest rather than for my personal gain.

Come to think of it, I have nothing much to look forward to on this earthly sojourn—no career ladder to climb, no children to look after, no real “future” to look forward to or to boast of. I am just so busy taking care of myself because I am sick all the time. I often feel that I am a burden to those who love me. It is, in a very real sense, a suffering untold. Other than the fact that lam not ready for the Lord, I can’t think of a reason why I should stay alive. Your letter is an eye opener to me. I should be glad to be alive not only because it affords me with more opportunities to work out my salvation; but that I may lead those around me to experience the “progress and joy of the faith”. When others see me, they will see the God of glory! They will be led to thank and praise the Lord. I can live to be a living testimony of our God to give glory to Him. To this end, may every tear and each suffering translate into my gaining of Christ?”

- Ediren A. Co (December 7, 1999)

Below are excerpts of emails Ediren wrote to some brothers and sisters, comforting and strengthening them in their hour of trials and sufferings.

Sharing her perspective regarding problems, sufferings and illnesses:

We will never be rid of problems. But the point is, when faced with a crisis, we should never suffer in vain by getting frustrated, desperate, all worked up and angry at God. With each difficulty, let us rather strive to be drawn closer to the Lord. Problems are actually opportunities for us to gain more of Christ. They are the personification of grace knocking at our doors. What I appreciate about prayer is not so much for its ‘ability’ to get my problems solved.

A lot of times, they don’t get solved; not immediately anyway. But prayer does help me to breathe n the Lord, to enjoy His succor and sustaining grace. After a good prayer, even if things directly related to my concerns do not change for the better, the state of my well-being does get altered. I experience the Lord as my inner peace.

…I firmly believe that everything that He [the Lord] arranges for us is not with the intent to cause us to suffer or to grieve but that we may become a blessing to the members of His body. I had my dark days. Eventually, the Lord also brought me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I had consecrated myself to be an overcomer in the past, and I believe that the Lord has honored that consecration, That is precisely why He has stripped and broken me so much in the recent years. You see, overcomers are produced through harsh dealings. But in the end, everything will be worth it.

Advising a sister who was going through a difficult period in her life because of a broken relationship and other significant changes in her life:

September 2, 1999

…The Lord is in you and you are in HIM. This is an established fact not based on feelings. Although you may not “feel” that He is carrying your burdens, the actual fact is, He is. You may not “feel” His presence, but in actual fact, He is always there within you. As your heavenly High Priest, He is also in the heavens interceding on your behalf. He appears before God on your and prays for you that you may be saved, not from eternal perdition but from whatever is keeping you from the enjoyment of Christ—things that drag you down like what you have gone through. A lot of times, I don’t have the right words nor the energy to pray for myself either. I just exercise my faith to open up to Him and tell Him to be the One to intercede for me. There is a verse in Hebrews 7:25 to this effect, “Hence also He is able to save to the uttermost those who come forward to God through Him, since He lives always to intercede for them.” He is praying for you! He is not only willing but able to save you. Because He has undergone human living, He can fully sympathize and empathize with your sufferings and weakness. His throne is not one of judgment or condemnation but one of love and grace. Do go to Him as you are in any way you know how. He will surely supply you with grace and peace. Open to Him as you had opened to me. It may be halting and awkward at first, but He will honor your candidness. Rest assured that I am also praying for you.

…Eventually, you will heal. The more you love a person, the longer the process of healing. I think you should not try to suppress it by pretending all is well. Cry it out and get it out of your system. One word of caution though. If you have had a good cry already, don’t “overindulge” yourself by always remaining in that state. King Solomon was wise to realize that there is a time for every purpose under the heaven. In Ecclesiastes 3:3-4, he said, there’s “A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up, a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;” Weep in your time of grief. But sooner or later, the sun will shine again, and you will learn to laugh again. Whether our experience is positive or negative, as long as we bring the Lord into it, we will see in retrospect, that He “has made everything beautiful in its time”.

If you allow Him, He will turn your mourning into dancing for you and He will put off your sackcloth (used for mourning in the olden times). He will even gird you with gladness. “The Lord does not afflict willingly, nor grieve the children of men. Though He causes grief, yet He will show compassion, according to the multitude of His mercies.”--Lamentations 3:32-33. I was very much comforted by these verses when I was sick. I hope these will help ease your pain a bit.

.Learn something from this experience, i.e., not to have any trust in yourself or your judgment. In everything you need to learn to seek the counsel of the Lord. This way, you will never go wrong. You know, one thing the Lord hates more than sin is our independence from Him. He is our source and our Head. The minute we choose to depart from Him, that is when we fall. I pray that you will see this. Don’t learn your lessons the hard way. The Lord will never let you go because you are His. He may cut you some slack now and then; eventually, He always brings you back to Himself--whether you like it or not.

Advising a sister who felt lost and dpressed.

January 11,2000

…After having read this latest email of yours, my tears just came unbidden. I have been praying for you, and I do not and will not pretend that I understand what is it that is eating you. …Even as I write, the tears are coming and I don’t really know what to say. Your feeling of being lost and not being at peace cannot be resolved just by joining the church’s meeting. That would be something very outward. No methodology or books can solve your problem. The only thing that will bring you through is when you touch life. You need the Lord, ---not in a doctrinal or religious manner. You need Him as the Shepherd of your soul to comfort, heal and minister to your wounds. Know that the Lord’s heart is touched with your grief. In a way, your downtrodden feelings will allow you to experience His fullness. It is when we are at our weakest that the Lord’s grace can operate in full.

Remember King David of the Old Testament? He was a man after Gods heart and God was well pleased with him. He was a perfect, godly and blameless man not only before God, but also before his brothers, his father, King Saul and the people of Israel. But one day, God decided that such a perfect man could neither know His grace nor experience His fullness. So, He slackened His hand a bit and allowed David to commit a great sin. David ended up murdering Uriah because he lusted after the former’s wife. After he did this, his reputation was destroyed. He was through and finished. He had fallen so terribly that in Psalm 51, he said his spirit is a broken spirit and his heart, a contrite heart. But thank the Lord for His grace! In his failure, David had grace as his enjoyment and God as his experience. So, this broken man is actually, a blessed man because he never lost the presence of the Lord.

.The Lord has put you in your particular environment that you may be forced to seek Him. He allowed you to be weak, to backslide, to experience defeat that you may turn to Him. If everything is always well with you, you would not feel the need for His presence. He has measured out every single event of your life to gain your person, to bless and to visit you with His grace. I remember a couple of verses I had enjoyed tremendously at the time when I was diagnosed with cancer. Let me share them with you: It would be good if you can pray-read these verses or use them to pray to the Lord. Nothing can comfort, wash and heal us like His word.

Lamentations 3:21—26,32—33, 38, 57 &58

“This I recall to my mind, therefore, I have hope through the Lord’s mecies, we are not consumed, because His compassion fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.”

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore, I hope in Him.” The Lord is good to those who wait on Him, to the soul who seeks Him.”

“It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.”

“Though He causes grief, yet He will show compassion, according to the multitude of His mercies.”

“For He does not afflict willingly, nor grieve the children of men.”

“Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that woe and well-being proceed? You drew near on the day I called on You and said, “Do not fear!”

“O Lord, you have pleaded the case for my soul; You have redeemed my life.”

…We need such a hope and such a salvation in our daily life. So many things can pull us down and cause us to be depressed--the state of our health, our job, our spouse, our friends, family members, environment, etc. But thank the Lord that His mercies are new every morning. We can forget the failures of yesterday and face the new day with hope and boldness because of this new portion of mercy that we can experience day by day.

... You have to pray, “Lord, grant me my daily portion of organic salvation. Renew me, transform me and heal me. I need you Lord Jesus. Without you, I cannot go on. I simply have no way to go on. You are my only hope. In everything, I pray that your presence may be with me. Bring me through with your resurrected life! Defeat Satan and put him to shame. Lord, I belong to you and I give myself to you. Do shepherd and preserve me.” He will honor your prayer.

Consoling a brother who was going through some trials:

June 20,2000

It is not easy going through any trial. But to us who belong to the Lord, we understand that He does not merely grant us the visits of His grace. Because He loves us, He measures a certain degree of suffering to make us grow in life. I have no wise words to give you. You probably know more than I do when it comes to spiritual truths and principles. But having gone through so much myself, one thing I am certain of, is that the Lord is too wise to be mistaken. He is also too good to be unkind. So, when we do not understand the circumstances in which He has placed us, let us learn to trust His heart. His heart towards us is always of love. Bear in mind that whenever we suffer, His heart is also touched with our grief.

Her appreciation of the saints and the Body.

Feb 15, 2001

pls xcuse d way I type n spell coz hav only 1 hand 2 do it. d oder 1 s

hooked up 2 n iv drip. iv bin on iv since jan. 16—close 2 a month o

non-stop iv infusions...

... i hav often felt so useless b4 d lord these past 6 months. due 2 my illness, i hav not bin miting w/ d saints, my service has com 2 a total standstill and i hav not been able 2 offer hospitality to at least 4 batches o visiting saints from taiwan. i mis d felloship though i still do maintain contact with some o d young ones n my partners in d service. i miss d corporate church life, but d silver lining 2 ol these s m njoying d outpour o care, lov n support fr d saints, a lot o dem hav ministered 2 me in a very practical way. dey’d cook for me, buy my favorite food/fruits, deliver d morning revival text 2 me, giv me surprise vsits, giv me cds with ncouraging songs written by howard higashi, etc. overall, life is gud because of d body. it s also because o d love n support i get from r family—specially from jarvis. i cannot ask 4 a better spouse. d lord’s greatest tangible blessing 2 me s my husband. i cannot imagine going thru dis horrendous ordeal w/o him by my side

April 7, 2001

About 8 years ago, (a sister) was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer but she survived it and is currently healthy and cancer free. She is a very nice sister. She got sick around October of 1992 and I was diagnosed with endometrial CA myself a few months alter, on January of 1993. She used to call me on the phone to fellowship and we would mutually encourage one another. I remember during one such call, she told me maybe the Lord made her sick first so that she may be able to comfort me. I was really moved. As time passed, I got to realize that everything that happens to us, whether good or bad is just for the blessing of the Body. Somebody is going to benefit from our experiences. That is the Lord’s way of practically caring for the members of His body.

Speaking about her service and coordination with the serving ones:

January 17, 2000

Last night, I had a meeting with two serving ones at home. We did the lesson plan for the juniors’ class for the first half of the year. For a long time, we had not been able to serve in oneness because there was an undercurrent of hostility among us. Individually, I’m sure that we had all gone before the Lord’s presence to deal with this. It was just that the Lord left us in that withering situation for so long. He did not perform any immediate miracle or provide an instant solution to our problem. He let us worked things out slowly and painfully until we all came to the realization that we needed each other to go on. Last night’s fellowship was so sweet. We have come a long way. I never thought that it was possible for us all to see eye to eye again. We ended with a prayer thanking and praising the Lord. Indeed, once we take Him as our center, all our differences pale in the light of His glory and grace. It is not easy and it is still a lesson that we are all learning. As long as we are willing to lay down our soul life, then, the Lord can have a way in us. It used to be so bad that we were preempting each other into resigning from our teaching service. Then, in our last meeting, I got to realize that the children would be the ones to suffer lost if we go on in this way. I swallowed my pride and said I am not throwing in the towel and said that I hope everyone would stay on and work this out. It was hard for all of us but eventually, the resurrection life of the Lord broke through our hopeless situation. Life always swallows up death! The darker the situation, the brighter the light of the Lord can shine. I have learned a lot of lessons in serving the Lord. The most precious are those that I have learned in defeat and failure. Again and again, I get to see that I should have no trust in myself. No matter how capable or how good I am, anything done apart from the Lord is as nothing. I get frustrated a lot of times but each time, I also get reconstituted with the divine life!

A note to one of her spiritual children:

January 4,2000

You really know how to touch my heart… If I had a son, I would have wanted one just like you. As it is, I am glad that even if the Lord did not give me any biological children, He gave me spiritual ones such as yourself. I feel very blessed to be bestowed with the honor of being called your “Mom”. Thank you... I have no way of showing you how much that means to me. But if you were to look into my heart, you would see it brimming with warmth, love and affection for you.

One of the last emails Ediren wrote was on April 25, 2001 to a young boy whose assignment from school was to define WHAT TRUE HAPPINESS MEANS. What she wrote was a good summary of what Ediren had been going through during that time, and an excellent testimony of her attitude and perspective in all her trials. Shortly after, on May 16, 2001, she was confined in the hospital, diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer (recurrence), and passed away on October 17, 2001.

Dear____,

Your Dad called and asked me to write you concerning what true happiness is. I have never given it much thought. Now that I have to qualify it, the first thing that came to mind is the word “contentment”. Yes, to be content is to be truly happy.

Take my case for an instance. I am saddled with a long list of illnesses. I’ve had cancer, osteoporosis, hyperthyroidism, anemia and currently, I am suffering from radiation colitis, for which there is no known cure. In the event of a flare-up, it is not uncommon for me to vomit for a dozen times within an hour. Concurrently, I’d have bouts of diarrhea and be subjected to excruciating stomach cramps of the kind that can only be relieved with narcotic pain killers. Since August of last year, there hasn’t been a day that passed that I haven’t had fever.

The implications of what I’ve just told you are rather extensive. Generally, for the past two years, I have been sick for almost every day of my life. To date, I have almost forgotten how it feels to be well and to be free from pain. I used to be a health nut. I would go to the gym for a good work-out at least three times a week to keep myself fit. Now, my energy levels are so low that walking a few meters would make me reel and pant for breath. Due to colitis, my gut has become so sensitive I cannot eat most of the food that I wanted to eat. My diet is restricted to the point where eating is no longer a pleasure. In fact, recent developments have it that because of the steady decline of my health, I am hooked up to an intravenous line for parenteral feeding. This means that instead of taking food like you do via the oral route and being able to savor the good taste of what you are eating, I simply get my nutrition intravenously sans taste. Imagine that! Gone are the days when I could freely go out with my friends because now, I am virtually chained to my I.V. pole. Since my mobility is compromised; I cannot shop, go traveling, visit friends or move around with ease.

The big question is, given such a life, am I happy? Some days, these get to me and I would become sad. On the other hand, most of the time, I am perfectly at peace with myself and my situation. This may sound ironic, but it is true. For the same situation, I’ve had two different reactions. On the sad days, I noticed I had focused too much on my liabilities and I was always wishing for things that were seemingly unattainable, such as good health. On happy days, despite having the same set of sorry circumstances, I noticed I was just content.

Contentment as they say, is not the fulfillment of a wish, a longing or a craving. It is a state of mind. It is the ability to have a genuine appreciation for the things that we have on hand. On my happy days, my frame of mind is such that I am grateful for the gift of life. Just to be able to wake up and see the sun shining through my windows is a real treat In my heart, I look forward to the promise of a great day ahead. I am thankful for simple joys like being able to taste a fragment of chocolate instead of bemoaning the fact that I cannot devour the whole bar. I am pleased that I can sit, walk and stand on my own, without the aid of a nurse. Not being able to run or do high-impact aerobics exercises do not bother me in the least. Being grateful for seemingly mundane things and living in the present are the emphatic keypoints. I bask in the love and attention of my family instead of taking them for granted. I allow the fragrance of the flowers my friends have sent to transport me to the pleasures of dining al fresco. But most of all, I hold the deep conviction that despite everything, I am blessed and spoiled by God.

True happiness also translates to a stronger participation, a deeper involvement in life. It doesn’t come naturally because the marginal propensity for human nature to be discontent far outweighs its tendency to be content with what it has. Therein lies the culprit. And so, we have to consciously war against our nature to wish for that which is desirable yet elusive to us. Be reminded that with marvelous impartiality each of us is given exactly the same number of minutes and hours in a given day. Time is the raw material. What we do with it is up to us.

A wise man once said, “life is what you make it”. Bear that in mind, and you’ll be happy.

Yours,

Ediren